It’s been a while since I did a thoughtful, introspective blog entry like this one.
Pardon me if anything is incoherent — I haven’t saddled up the writing horse in a while.
HB on acid free
Lately, I’ve been doing several pencil sketches to dive into this “visual storytelling” business. I’m diligently hack away at a project dear to my heart and will surely keep me preoccupied for the next few years.
(yes, I am going to leave it that ambiguous).
I’m almost 100% certain that anyone who spews a generic excuse to avoid a relationship is just fibbing through her teeth.
“It’s not you it’s me”
“The timing isn’t right”
“I don’t want a relationship right now”….
No matter what nonsense is coming from her mouth, chances are she is actually secretly waiting to be swept away. Regardless of whether we’re speaking of men or women, who on earth would pass up the opportunity to pursue someone absolutely mind-blowing? If you met someone who stunned you silly in every positive way imagineable, let’s face it– you would want them (who wouldn’t?).
That being said, I don’t think that someone who dishes out those excuses is necessarily a pathological liar. In other words, I don’t believe that someone who uses generic “let-down lines” is incapable of being honest and upfront.
In general, people tend to be experts at convincing themselves of lies, simply by repeating the same ones. I think it’s very possible for someone to actually convince herself of her own lies (in this case, those “lies” are excuses used to avoid romantic engagement).
The question I’ve been wrestling with is: Why anyone would lie about such things (and even opt to lying to herself)? Sure, there’s the prevention of imparting hurt on the other person (i.e. if you tell someone that you don’t want to be with them due to your own personal issue(s), it prevents them from feeling insufficient). That’s obvious.
Anyway, I think the reasoning goes above and beyond.
Overall, I believe it’s easier to convince yourself that, “(insert generic scapegoat to evade relationship here)” rather than dwell upon the fact that you haven’t met the right person yet. Mentally and emotionally, it can be frustrating and downright upsetting to focus on the fact that you have failed to find someone you are compatible with.
Basically, I believe a large part of why people use relationship excuses is to shift the attention away from that void and to justify their singledom in the meanwhile.
I know it might sound bonkers, but I believe that a strong enough connection between two people can drive someone so lovesick that she will readily drop all excuses like a rock.
They will meet, the stars will align and suddenly she won’t remember that the “timing isn’t right” or that she wanted to “focus on my career right now”.
Her heart will be eclipsed by their compatibility, and that will be that.
He will take her by the hand and they’ll frolick off into the sunset.