‘Fools rush in where wise men never go,
but wise men never fall in love- so how are they to know?
When we met I felt my life begin-
so open up your heart and let this fool rush in’.
I miss the days when I didn’t overcomplicate love. The days when simple excitement came with knowing someone cares for me in ‘that way’. The days when I allowed myself to get carried away in extreme bouts of passion.
‘I’m crazy about you.’
‘I can’t live without you’.
Although I’ve never vocalised such intense emotions before (I’ve always been bad at verbalising sap)–I’ve certainly felt that way. Haven’t we all?
It was never about the pros and cons. It was about allowing your heart swell towards viewing everything as a pro.
So what’s changed?
Nowadays, I find myself constantly assessing things. The prospects, the dynamics, the future. Which leads me to wonder…is there a mandatory trade-off, once the rational mind develops? Well-informed and logical decisions at the expense of emotional enjoyment?
Whatever the case may be, all I know is that I’m not able to be go back to my old ways. Instead, my hope is to find someone my logic is comfortable with (i.e. who I am still attracted to despite my critical thinking)–and then consider allowing vulnerable and passionate feelings to flow.
The problem is, I might not know when to stop the psycho-analysis. After all, there’s definitely room to over analyse and to judge someone unfairly. To address this, I’ve created a little rule of thumb to follow:
Allow yourself to be critical regarding fundamental ‘criteria’, but avoid analysing someone’s unique idiosyncracies. For example, be critical about what the person’s morals are, what kind of future they’re after, etc., but never critique their personal tendencies (i.e. their preferences and quirks).
(by the way…when I say ‘be critical’, I don’t mean judge whether someone is inadequate. When I say ‘critical’, I mean critique whether or not his/her fundamentals are compatible with your own).
The reasons why I follow these little rules:
a) no matter how smitten you are with someone, conflicting fundamental values will cause serious friction in the long run–guaranteed
b) who are you to judge someone’s personal tendencies? Ideally, I’d want to avoid ‘judging’ fundamental values too, but unfortunately it’s necessary to avoid major future conflicts.
So there you have it. I am officially the most unromantic girl on this planet. But don’t think I’m not seeking a substantial and fulfilling love just like everyone else.
Cause I am. Trust me.