It feels wonderful to swish color across blank canvas again, but I can’t believe how rusty I’ve become! This sketch only took a couple of minutes, but the colors took much longer than they should’ve. The result isn’t by any means as eye-popping as 2.5 hours could’ve produced. (Oh…in case you’re confused, I time my painting so I can gauge how efficient I am at any point in time. )
Anyhow…Enchanté! I love the captivating, classy demeanor of characters like this. Feminine, elegant and confident–with a touch of sass. The type of traits I’d like to refine in myself ;).
I doubt this character gives off an independent vibe, but that’s what I’ve been especially focused on these days. Despite my occasional complaining about inconveniences, I know I’m very fortunate to be studying in Australia on my own.
Physical distance and time away from your “comforts” are more valuable than I ever knew. I’m particularly referring to relationships that are ultimately toxic for you. I’m a strong believer that the more time you spend with someone (or a group of people with a similar mindset), the more they will influence your own character. So if you’re constantly surrounded by people who inhibit your personal development, I’d say that it might be best to detach yourself from them (as harsh as that may sound).
The problem is…it’s SO difficult to achieve this when you’ve ‘invested’ and spent so much time with these people! I’ve found that the more time you spend with someone, the more comfortable you become in your relationship and the harder it is to say, “no…I do not want to spend any more time with you”.
Why else is it so difficult to simply ‘man up’ and declare independence away from these relationships? Well, given you’ve been spending most of your time with them, that probably also indicates that your relationships with other people (including those who are suitable friends/lovers) are either non-existent or undeveloped. In other words…the moment you decide to diverge from these relationships–will be the start of isolation from close relationships altogether. *Queue in temporary loneliness.* 🙁
Understandably, no one wants to be alone and by choosing this path, you’ll definitely be alone (at least temporarily). There is no instant gratification. There is a loss of intimacy and dependability (which were established through the relationships you ‘left’). There might even be outbursts of betrayal directed at you (by those you ‘left).
I guess in times like this, it’s more important to focus on the reasons why you left in the first place…and to maintain the hope that you will re-establish close relationships–but this time, with people that are truly fulfilling in your life.
Shamefully, I wasn’t able to ‘cut off’ relationships that I acknowledged to be harmful to my personal growth. This is why I’m truly thankful to have physical distance! I had no idea how empowering distance can actually be. I’ve finally mustered the ability to say, “No. You are not good for me”, and I owe it being oceans apart.
But more importantly–how Liberating.