For the first time, I truly know what I want and I know the only way to obtain it.
I’m gunn wait.
Are you the type to gently lead a steady friendship towards romance or the type to dive into romance once you meet that magnetic person?
I’ve always been the type to dive straight in, right when I tasted that electric connection. I was convinced that finding such chemistry is so rare that it should be pounced on when encountered. Whenever I met that intriguing guy–without questioning, I let sparks fly naturally and uncontrollably.
I must say, some of my most exciting and (believe it or not) long-term romances resulted from such an approach. However… I’ve realised that starting a relationship based on that ‘click’ factor is absolutely foolish and more importantly, unsustainable.
When you let passion have it’s merry way, you easily overlook fundamental compatibility issues and (sometimes serious) character flaws. You’re so busy marvelling at his/her attractiveness that you ignore the fact that your values or personalities are actually horribly misaligned. (In no way am I suggesting that you should scrutinize every interesting character you meet. However, I do think there’s value in leashing impulsive passion until you’re certain the person will be worth being vulnerable to).
I feel like I should’ve learned this lesson ages ago.
Have you ever met someone you were intensely attracted to the first time you were introduced, but found yourself less and less attracted as time wore on? Notice that more often than not, people share only their impressive qualities foremost. They talk about their great values, are stimulating, charming, hard working, etc. Such a display can only leave you with an incredibly biased opinion on their character. It’s only when you spend more time with the person that he starts revealing his mundane (and maybe even ugly) traits. Sure he’s vocal about his great values, but he contradicts them through his decision-making. Sure he’s charming, but turns out he’s fundamentally selfish; only stimulating when it’ll benefit him. Sure he’s a hard worker, but turns out he’s actually a workaholic–putting precedence on work over family. As he slowly reveals his true stances and traits, you realise that actually, a relationship with this person would be a nightmare.
Now see the value in halting an emotional investment based on initial impressions? It kills me because I’ve had that very experience before, yet I’m only applying the lessons now.
Anyway, I digress.
At the end of the day…I’m waiting patiently for someone I’m truly compatible and comfortable with (character flaws included), rather than some shmuck I simply ‘click’ with. That being said…I’m sure the next exciting character I meet is going to tempt me to reciprocate with enthusiasm. This time though, I’m ready to curb that passion and save myself for something truly worthwhile!
So here’s to practising patience!!!
you should develop a pharmaceutical drug that offers instant patience lol.
HAHA! Well antipsychotics make you lethargic, sedated and calmer…maybe I can just rebrand & call it ‘patience’. :p
Patience in a pill would be awesome….
reeeeeeeeeeally? i hope you get what you want:)
@_@ u do??? tell me please! Will it be worth the wait? You wont regret it??
thx guys–I blabbed on to clarify any ambiguity here.
Gracie! I tried commenting back on your tumblr, but I have no idea how it works? How do I comment on your beautiful little posts?
whoa, that was heavy. yah, i think people should focus on establishing their values, goals and identity before getting mixed up with someone else. the last thing you need is to use each other as an emotional crutch – expecting that other person to “complete you”. seen too many folks do this!
Ros,
excuse the heavy artillery…just some things I’ve been wrestling w for a while.
True that! Even if you establish your own identity, values, goals, etc though – it’s about acknowledging the importance of finding someone who is compatible with yours too. Otherwise, you end up w a partner who makes you ‘feel good’ (which is completely fleeting) over someone who’s actually good for you.
I never liked the idea of depending on someone to a point where I was convinced they ‘complete me’. Haha complete rubbish. Anyhoo, Thx for your input!!!
haha… I am guilty of diving into relationships as well. Especially when I was younger! Prior to my current relationship I actually told a guy “I would have definitely dated you when I was younger.. it would’ve been fun but I think we’d be better off as friends”.
Maybe passing up on good brings great 🙂
oh no my tumblr wont let you post ><.. i'll have to fix that.
thanks for the updated post too 🙂
and fighting!
I blame Hollywood!
Wow, fair points you’ve made Najin! I was compelled enough to trail back via RSS.
What’s your opinion on the following – you have your identity and values set yet everytime you meet someone new, your limbic system rebels against these said values you’ve instilled in yourself and you are victim to yet another ‘oh, we click so well’?
Kas,
thanks for your thoughtful reply!
I’ve made that fatal mistake time and time again….(compromising values on account of intense limbic-system driven emotions). I think there’s major danger in waving your core values to satisfy those emotions though. Because while those intense emotions will fade, your values will not. Even if you ignore such discrepancies at the beginning, they WILL surface and negatively impact the relationship later. And [speaking from experience] it’s MUCH harder to deal with such differences later on (since you’ve likely started getting comfortable/attached to the person by that point).
Hmmm…so yes, my opinion is that it’s a mistake to compromise core values. Save your limbic system splurges for someone who will be worth it, I say!
*phew.