So I received a pretty destructive comment on a recent post from someone who knows me in person. After a moment of shock, I decided to think about and discuss the criticism instead of attempting to ignore it ever happened.
I’ve received constructive criticism in the past and can honestly say that I appreciate it. If someone can give insight onto something I’m doing ‘wrong’ and unaware of, it can be helpful to take advice with salt grains. However, I’ve seldom received such a personalized hate message before. What’s worse is the person did not bother leaving a real name or contact detail, which imo is a pretty cowardly thing to do.
I’ve tried to understand what could lead someone to be so blatantly horrible, and not knowing who he/she was didn’t help. I tried thinking in general terms and wondered at what point people should confront those they dislike? Personally (& I think lots of people are like this), I don’t bother saying hurtful things to people I dont like. Say for example I find someone unattractive (as this person finds me), I will not go out of my way to send them ‘ anonymous’ hate mail about how ugly I think they are. I don’t see the point because its much easier to just let them live. I mean…said ugly person will not suddenly stop being unattractive because I was cruel to them. Why go out of my way?
I guess this particular person was more annoyed that I post photos (yes I’m in some of them) and she think I’m unattractive. In that case, I understand why she might be compelled to mention something out of irritation. But honestly, I do not force or harass anyone to look at my pictures and if someone is nauseated by them, it’s as simple as turning a cheek and ignoring me.
Don’t like my photos? Don’t visit my site. By all means, delete me off facebook (in fact, you’d be doing us both a favour). But to go out of your way to send an anonymous hate comment? Well… it speaks for itself.
An interesting twist to this story is I found her ip address and found out she lives at the Womens College (where I stayed my first year in Brisbane). I read that comment over and chances are more than one girl was involved in writing it. I know how cruel certain types of girls can be (especially in small groups) and it’s obvious they found it witty and funny to make use of a thesaurus and some gossip girl jargon.
How could I have avoided that message, now knowing it came from some insecure (and probably slightly bored) 19 year old girls? The only possible way is if I conformed to what suits their own personalities. Unfortunately, that might have required me to become party-crazed and slightly ditzy, which I frankly don’t have the capacity to do. I didn’t enjoy living in Women’s College for very specific reasons. While many girls I met there were sweet and open-minded, I left after my first year because I honestly couldn’t stand the lifestyle and attitudes harboured by some of the others. I think residential college is a great place to transition from high school to university, especially if you’re a new high school graduate wanting to meet others in the same stage of life as you are (while looking to experiment with partying). But for someone who has already lived through her obnoxious teens and never wants to revert back, I’m glad I left as soon as I could.
I don’t hate and am not even angry at the girl(s) who wrote that comment because I understand where she is coming from. It’s my genuine hope that she develops into a woman who carries herself with integrity and grace, instead of someone who wastes time harbouring hate and gossip. You have a greater capacity to make meaningful change using your more commendable qualities, trust me.
Anyway, so this is my rant and I’m officially done over-analysing that comment.
Overall….I’m relieved that someone I respect and trust wasn’t the author.
I’ll continue to do what I love and life will resume with a renewed force!
related post: people pleaser